Rape.
R-a-a-a-pe.
Raa-aa-aa-pe!!!
Alas, the producers of Off-Broadway's THE FANTASTICKS have announced that the perpetually running musical will finally limp on t'wards the moonlight on Sunday, May 3 -- the 55th anniversary, to the very day, of the opening of the show way back in 1960. Come that fateful Sunday, the production will have played a total of, get ready, 20,672 performances in New York City alone.
OK, so here's the math and geography: 17,162 at the old Sullivan Street Playhouse + another 3,510 at alum Jerry Orbach's place at, even better, the Snapple Theater Center.
Like a Romeo and Juliet but with 1,000% more Backstreet B-spawn, the score to THE FANTASTICKS will no doubt become its lasting legacy. Featuring music by Harvey Schmidt with book, lyrics and direction by the incomparable Tom Jones (no, not that Tom Jones), you'll never be able to hear tunes like "Try To Remember," "Soon It's Gonna Rain" or "They Were You" as they were intended ever again.
Much less, this sublime li'l ditty.
Classicalites of a certain vintage will no doubt recall the show's original run down on Sullivan Street in Greenwich Village. (Hell, when that one closed in '02, the news made A1 of the OGL.)
In 2006, THE FANTASTICKS redux popped opened at Snapple, directed by Jones.
Because, of course.
For hardened Gothamites, the cracks in the show's innate (and, to be fair, still entertaining) subversion started to show when Mayor Mike Bloomberg, himself, lauded its 2008 New Year's Eve performance in Times Square.
In 1992, Jones' handiwork won that token Tony Award for, quote, "excellence."
And with the literal LOL casting of Duff-sick Aaron Carter as "Matt" in November of 2011, well, we knew it was coming.
Still hurts, though.
The current cast finds Edward Watts as the Narrator (El Gallo), Daniel Berryman as The Boy (Matt), Samantha Bruce as The Girl (Luisa), Donald Corren as The Boy's Father (Hucklebee), Joe Dellger as The Girl's Father (Bellomy), MacIntyre Dixon as The Old Actor (Henry), Michael Nostrand as The Man Who Dies (Mortimer) and Drew Siegla as The Mute.
Remaining performances are on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays at 8 p.m., Wednesdays at 2 p.m., two Saturday shows at 2 and 8 p.m. and twice on Sundays (an hour after and 30 minutes before Saturday's, respectively.)
Priced at a pretty reasonable $76.50 each, tickets can be purchased by calling (212) 921-7862, by logging onto the virulent strain of markupmanship that is www.ticketmaster.com or by walking yourself up to the Snap's box office (210 W. 50th Street at Broadway).
At the time of this posting, a limited number of "premium front row seats" are available for a laughable $126.50 at every curtain.
Try to remember, indeed.
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