Like just about everyone else who reports on theater, we've been following the story of Lindsay Lohan's stage debut. After a week of previews the new West End revival of David Mamet's Speed-the-Plow officially opens today. By one standard, of course that's news. On the other hand, what's to talk about? Until the reviews come out, what more is there to say that we haven't already said?
Still, we've got to say something, haven't we? And how "we"--that is, the press--are telling the non-story of the past few days may be the most interesting aspect of this "story" today. All it takes is a survey of the headlines to get a well-rounded picture of what's happening. "Will tale of Lindsay Lohan on London stage end up a tragedy or comedy?" asks the Guardian, summing up what's on everyone's mind. Until we know the answer, here are some other headlines from the past week:
Referring to a few lines the actress reportedly flubbed during the first preview performance, the Daily Mirror website asked the tough question: "Is Lindsay Lohan hiding from critics behind her script in Speed the Plow?"
Design & Trend had an usually harsh term for those first-night jitters: "Lindsay Lohan Defends 'Speed-The-Plow' Disaster: 'I Could've Not Shown Up'"
As if in response, the Telegraph begged, "Lay off Lindsay Lohan – she hasn't crashed yet."
"Lindsay Lohan Actually Went To Work," sneered gossip site HecklerSpray.
One rocky performance can't keep the wheels spinning indefinitely, though, so the press began to pick up on other aspects of the Lohan buzz. When Splash News reported that "Lindsay Lohan makes a hairy exit in London," the celebrity gossip site was referring not to a stage exit but to spotting the actress leaving the theater wearing a fur coat.
London can be chilly in the fall? Now that's news.
The actress had a chance encounter in a hotel with a veteran actor who's had some experience with David Mamet himself. As the Delhi Daily News headlined it: "Al Pacino advises Lindsay Lohan on West End debut."
Meanwhile, other journalists and gossips looked to put a positive spin on things.
"Lindsay Lohan Is On The Road To Reclaiming Her Glory Days — Looking To 'Gain Back' Everyone's Respect!" crowed Perez Hilton. Attagirl, Linz!
Others observed that the oft-rehabbed actress seemed to be becoming a proper lady. "Lindsay Lohan ditches former party girl ways for civilised dinner at Nobu," the Daily Mail told us excitedly.
Others lamented the tendency to expect (and even hope for?) the worst. "Why Are We So Determined For Lindsay Lohan To Fail?" asked Pedestrian TV. Of course, we all know the answer: we're human, and we can't resist slowing down to look at a car crash.
In the end--and whatever ultimately happens on stage--the actress is looking to the future, as TV3 reported: "Lindsay Lohan eyes up British movie roles."
And if all else fails, Lohan has a Plan B, as the Epoch Times noted: "Lindsay Lohan Says She Wants to Settle Down and Have Children."
One thing I think most journalists and gossips alike would agree on: When Speed-the-Plow director Lindsay Posner defended his American charge, saying of her role of "Karen" that "It's a difficult part to play," he could just as well have been talking about the "Mean Girl" herself.
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