No matter how much of a news buff you are, some stories will inevitably slip through the cracks. That’s why Offbeat is proud to bring you a recap of some news stories that you may have missed during the week. This week’s feature will spotlight The Gap Mannequin Project, the terrifying Velveeta Cheese Superbowl shortage and the NYPD social security scam.
The GAP Mannequin Project
Shopping with a loved one, at times, can prove quite challenging. In fact, I’m pretty sure that IKEA and Victoria’s Secret are responsible for more marriages crumbling than infidelity ever could.
If you don’t believe me, I defy you to spend an entire day shopping with your significant other. If you’re still talking by the time you get home, you may want to evaluate the nature of your relationship.
Luckily, Steve Venegas has come up with a pretty entertaining way of balancing shopping at stores and keeping the peace at home.
It all started when Steve went shopping with his wife at The Gap. After what must have felt like hours of her trying on clothes, Steve realized that he was nearly the identical size of their display floor mannequins.
Venegas then did what any normal person would do--he dressed up identically to the mannequins, then posed beside them in a near-perfect stance.
After sharing the photos with friends, he realized it was a big hit. You can check out the pics for yourself at his comical blog, The Gap Mannequin Project.
Velveeta Cheese Shortage
The heart wants what the heart wants...even if it’s a horrible synthetic cheese blend that’s likely less safe than consuming raw motor oil.
Shoppers all across the East Coast, whose health Mantra is likely “Ah, f--k it,” are having an existential breakdown this week, after it was revealed that they may not be able to purchase the cheese-like blob until mid-February.
While multiple reasons have been given for the shortage, Velveeta’s parent company, Kraft, insists that the shortage is a result of seasonal demand.
This has lead many to doubt that explanation, considering no one ever, anywhere, at anytime, has asked for more Velveeta to place on his turkey and dressing.
At least that’s how Ken Alba, a professor who teaches the “History of Food” (how can that possibly be a course) at University of the Pacific (how can that possibly be a college), feels:
"It's not a seasonal product. There is no dish served between Thanksgiving and Christmas that is quintessentially Velveeta."
This has understandably created quite a panic, considering how close to Superbowl we are. If you’re one of the millions of foodies out there affected by the limited supply, you may just want to serve straight Crisco out of a can--it tastes better and is likely healthier for you.
NYPD Social Security Scam
In a shocking turn of events, it appears that some former members of the NYPD may be corrupt.
You are likely asking yourself how can a group of dedicated professionals, whose job it is to stop and frisk anyone whose skin color is darker than “eggshell” have questionable ethics...but it’s true.
Over 100 NY police officers and firefighters have been charged with disability fraud. The New York Times offers some insight into the scam, as they revealed how the disgraced civil servants filed erroneous claims:
“They had been coached on how to fail memory tests, feign panic attacks and, if they had worked during the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, to talk about their fear of airplanes and entering skyscrapers, prosecutors said. And they were told to make it clear they could not leave the house, much less find a job.”
The problem? As always: Facebook.
Despite claiming that they were terrified of flying, many officers posted photos of themselves on airplanes. One man was so brazen, he even uploaded a pic of himself flying an aircraft.
What’s the lesson to be learned from this?
Old people should really stay off Facebook.
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