Jonathan Koppenhaver is the worst client a defense attorney could have. In a recent letter allegedly written by the MMA Fighter known as War Machine, some very incriminating passages suggest that he is guilty of brutally beating his ex-girlfriend Christy Mack (whom he calls 'my lady'). He practically admits it, even claims that they deserved worse. In the letter, War Machine reportedly wrote that 'you could have shot them' if they were in Texas and gotten off for a "passion crime" as he called it. Plus, he has taken to Twitter to share his bad poetry with fans. Dude, never tweet poems from jail unless you're Robert freaking Frost.
Kids, if you commit a heinous crime and insist on wasting the taxpayers' dollars by going to trial, don't follow War Machine's legal model.
A letter which Koppenhaver allegedly wrote in prison, while not necessarily admissible evidence, is still pretty incriminating (via MMA Mania):
"Even if I wasn't ambushed they still would have got what they deserved! In Texas you could have shot them both and got off with that 'passion crime' s***. I can only speculate on how'd I would have reacted if I would have only caught them in bed, but that don't even matter cuz dude jumped me!"
No, what really matters is that women are property. Apparently even after you dump them.
When not lamenting his failure to shoot his victims to death, Koppenhaver has taken to tweeting really bad poetry. Here's just a taste of the glut of awkward couplets this sensitive (alleged) domestic abuser has shared with the world recently, because to read it all at once might cause stroke or aneurism (via International Business Times):
"A machine of war, yet scared to death. But on my oath I'll fight, 'till my last breath. It's all or nothing, I'll not submit. There'd be no glory. I'll risk all of it. Only the brave can know, a victory so sweet. Only the brave reap the rewards ... of no retreat."
Also, he's mistaken about that whole crime of passion deal.
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